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BETTER [18 Aug 2006|02:35pm]
studing wasn't working, so i lit some candles, opened the window, took a long hot bath and i feel so much better. it's probably the combination of the bath, just finding out i got 94% on my assignment, and someone i don't even know telling me they think i look like penelope cruz!

i just got back to the computer to try to finish studying. i figure i have three chapters left. if i spend three hours on each, i can be done them by 9 o'clock and then spend a couple hours reviewing before getting to bed.

wish me luck!
throw a pie!

DAMN [18 Aug 2006|01:33pm]
my cramps are so ridiculously painful today and for once, midol isn't the answer.

someone quick, tea and a massage.

my exam's at 9AM tomorrow, yes on a saturday. since i don't want to be in waterloo longer than necessary i'm going to just leave markham around 6AM, drive down, review, write the damn thing, have lunch with a friend and come home for noon.

but i can hardly concentrate because of the stupid cramps. because of that i'm getting anxious that i won't be ready which is manifesting in further cramping.

shit. ow.
throw a pie!

last night a somewhat estranged uncle from calgary came to our house to visit my grandfather, who is his late mother's brother. i'd never met him before but he was so humble and soft spoken in spite of being an accountant and having done so much international work.

it was kind of refreshing to have an uncle around since my mom's brother visits from hong kong once a year for a few weeks and the rest of the family is made up of seven sisters. women are well... emotional beings and that can be wonderful but sometimes, to have that many emotional beings around makes me erratic.

and that's why i'm looking for a nice girl to live with me in september. we just got a house on peppler and it's adorable, at least in pictures. there's a yellow room, a red room, a green room, everything's wooden and quaint. i'm going to see the place on monday when i'm in waterloo to write my distance ed exam. looks like it's myself, john, nad, brian until december then dan in the new year. but we need a fifth roommate and i'd love to have another girl around. just, all the girls i know either live at home or with their boyfriends. or... they're just plain nuts.

i should post wanted ads around k-w or something.
WANTED: a nice girl who doesn't party on weeknights, who's considerate, brainy, and fun.
sounds like a reverse personals ad.
throw a pie!

THE ALCHEMIST [18 Jul 2006|09:07am]
"the alchemist" is one book i started when i was about sixteen and got sick of quickly. at the time i found the writing style to be annoying in the way that an old uncle at family gatherings is annoying when he goes on about his life lessons in an almost boastful manner.

well, i started reading it last night all over again. it seemed like the perfect read for a night alone at home in bed with a cup of tea. and, of course, it was so much more than that. there are so many little charms of simple wisdom littered throughout it usually following a short and seemingly magical tale.

in one part of the book coelho tells us about "the boy" who sees two birds behaving unnaturally in the sky and he experiences a dark feeling. he goes and tells the authorities of the oasis that he feels the tribal armies may be arriving. one of the fighters is angered and asks why the boy is interrupting the natural course of things, believing that the war is to be fought out. and the boy responds that God created the armies but he also created the birds that served as an omen, that everything is written by one hand.

i love it. i finished it today on the bus ride back from u of t to markham. usually i spend that time thinking or on the phone... but how quickly we forget and how quickly we're forgotten.

i think i'm going to start reading john baldock's "the essence of sufism" tomorrow. during the school year reading becomes such a chore that i never want to read apart from what i have to for my courses. but it feels healthy to spend time alone reading this summer- makes my brain feel pretty.

every summer for about as long as i can remember, my mom and i wake up at 4AM, go to the mosque, meditate until dawn, then pray and come home and start our day. it feel so healthy but since i'm doing distance ed this summer i haven't made time to meditate. i'd like to do it for what's left of the summer but i worry that it'll make me unfocussed on school. maybe that's just an excuse. when did meditation ever distract? it only ever gave me energy.
1 splat | throw a pie!

SURREAL [16 Jul 2006|12:53pm]
today at vocal training, i recorded "don't know why" really spontaneously. i had this feeling that i'd be recording but it wasn’t confirmed until i walked into the studio and everything was set up and my vocal coach was, at the least, giddy. the version i sang on was a little bit cheesy in my opinion and may well have been the karaoke instrumental of the song, or maybe i'm just a perfectionist.

part-way through, my mom walked into the studio and spent the rest of my session with cory, my coach's wife. when i finshed recording and we picked a few tracks to use, andrew, my coach, played it (and i finally got to take off my headphones). my mother and cory were holding each other crying, and two other students stunned. it was not what i wanted to walk out to. singing's supposed to be fun and cathartic, but knowing my mom was out there, i was under pressure and i didn't feel free enough to be sensual, vocally. it came through on the recording in my opinion. regardless the two of them were awestruck and cory hugged me and demanded i pursue singing.

that said, i'm going to continue through the summer on the demo with them since i'm at lesson 11/12 in the block i've paid for. so they're going to get some money out of me but i'm happy with the arrangment. it carries me through until the end of august and then i'll come back once a month to finish off the demo from sept to novemeber. i'll be sending practice tapes to them in the mail so that i can train from afar. andrew's going to look into whether or not he has anyone in waterloo who can take care of training me while i'm away from him. he's producing the recording this week.

next time though, my mom's not allowed in until it's over and she knows it. i just had to laugh at the whole situation and andrew, thank goodness, understood my sentiment. it's ridiculous surreal hearing yourself sound professional, and the reactions are equally ridiculous. i can't describe it very well. but seeing them cry was terribly funny if not hilarious if you can get past how insensitive and unappreciative that might sound. you really have to experience that once, if not for the utter comedy.
throw a pie!

TRUTH OR DARE OR BOTH [06 Jul 2006|03:25pm]
the stillness and quiet that summer brings is definitely welcome. more and more i've been inclined to be alone with myself, a book, music and limit friendships to one-on-ones or at least to intimate conversations. i never used to be so willing to revel in solitude but increasingly i find peace in it. if nothing else, it's honest.

i've started to think that maybe truth lies inside me and it's up to me to exercise the sincerity and honesty to live in a way that will make me aware of what those truths are. so long as i distract myself with relationships, friendships, passtimes, ego, i avoid having to confront that quiet honesty. but i think it's safe to say that i'd much rather be alone than surrounded by a group of people. even in social situations, i tend to withdraw without consent. a panicking part of me says, you're become anti-social, you're become a recluse, get some help. but there's a kind of simple surity that accompanies singularity.

if i can just stop caring what it looks like to be alone, stop distracting myself with questions of self-worth and self-doubt and rather than worry about labels, worry about my own behaviours and how far they agree with the truth i'm seeking, then i'd gain some good footing. when i volunteered in jamaica three years ago now, we visited bob marley's home. one of his good friends who i only know as a humorous intoxicated or severely elightened "stone man" met us there. rather than introducing himself and continuing on his way, he felt it was necessary to line us up, shake our hands individually, pause and look into our eyes and tell us what he saw. that moment is more raw and vivid to me than any other i've encountered since. when he "greeted" me, he said, "you are the mother of mothers. you are of the quiet. you can stop the wind by raising one hand once you find the leverage to do so." it's easy to take words like that and discount them to be the musings of a disillusioned man, or to make them sacred because of the context they came in. but if i try to approach them logically, they make so much sense.

maybe it's people like him who don't want to buy what we're selling, they just want to meet us and see into our souls and talk about that honesty, those are the people i'm seeking. i've rarely met them, but when i have i'm thankful. and when they stick around in my life, i'm thankful. i never want to compartmentalize that humanity, i want it to become what i look to for guidance and act in accordance with, and one day i want to see it inside myself and call it home.
1 splat | throw a pie!

REEKorDING [04 Jul 2006|02:59pm]
sooo with recording ahead of me and the fact that i haven't recorded in a few years, i decided i should try to ease myself into it. so i've got a makeshift studio happening in my room with a shitty mic, a laptop, headphones and i'm using "audacity" as my software. if nothing else, it'll ease my nerves. in some ways this whole process is a little bit like writing on LJ; something i would never have shared before being written, recorded, accessible to revisit after the initial moment of expression. lame is it might sound, that seems like a really bizzare ability for people to have. there's some transformation from feeling to performing in both cases. let's face it, if you didn't want people to read your LJ, you wouldn't have one, or you'd make it extremely restricted. regardless, i'm looking forward to the process of opening myself a bit. for a long time there's been a fear of criticism or disappointing, but ultimately if i can put myself out there more, then i'm pretty sure confidence will follow.

now for the fun stuff. i recorded a few more pieces that are going to be on the demo today, for a trial run.

click below for a tori amos cover and what a certain denisaur would call a 'throwback' to "crazy" and "summertime":

"crazy" performed by patsy cline

"summertime" written by george gershwin for 'porgy and bess', the 1932 musical

"hello mr.zebra" written and performed by tori amos

honest opinions are welcome! even if you don't like what you hear- actually especially, so.
1 splat | throw a pie!

YEAH, THANKS [29 Jun 2006|05:35pm]
today my driving instructor told the class that if any of us speak languages other than english, seeming as foreign as possible will prevent the G2 test administrator from asking questions that we should know answers to based on the ministry driving book. to be fair, he also gives us really valuable information. he's super knowledgeable. i feel like if he weren't teaching people how to pass G2 tests, he'd be a university professor. he's also a pilot.

last week i contacted WLU to ask for a more detailed description for a course i wanted to register in called "cultural and historical geography", thoroughly described in the course calender as "a brief overview of the major concepts in cultural and historical geography". thanks WLU. today i got a phone call from my DE proffessor who was responding to my inquiry. turns out the course is actually about how canadian land uses have transformed since the first contact of europeans in the country to the present. somehow i've lost interest. but before hanging up he said to me:
"while i have you on the phone, i'd just like to thank you for participating the way you did in the DE course. when students ask questions and get involved the way you do, it makes for a much better experience. so thank you. and congratulations, you have an A." /end gush

on another note, the rain is to blame for my recording delay. thanks rain. i like you.
throw a pie!

so before ovilleboy left to go to calgary for a month, i had him over this morning for breakfast and goodbyes. eggs and french toast were accompanied by tea. it's a shame his flight hadn't been scheduled for later in the day, since he didn't actually wind up leaving until close to 8:30pm as opposed to 4pm or so.

in other news, i got my grade back for that evil distance ed course that i can't believe i even got out of alive. A, baby! A!

and still more news: my driving instructor is about as close as i could get to jeremy clarkson teaching me. i'm in love with him. he's entirely too cynical, too sarcastic, too annoyed with the ministry of transportation. so of course i requested him as my in-car teacher. i just wonder how he hasn't been fired yet.

still more driving class to come tomorrow, friday and sunday. but then i get my certificate, get my insurance break, get my g2 test to happen sooner and get driving baby.

for now, bed. i'm exhausted. tomorrow's another day of cynical brits and vocal training.
1 splat | throw a pie!

CRAZY (is a song by patsy cline) [23 Jun 2006|02:19pm]
last night my vocal coach and his wife sat me down in the studio. she walked in while i was in the middle of practicing some arpeggios and said that she and my coach have been talking about it for weeks and they've decided it's time we started thinking of submissions. i've been training with the same people for close to ten years. but this past year being in waterloo, i wasn't training at all and singing in a pretty limitted capacity and yet here they were talking about a demo after an entire year of, at best, stagnation and within a month of my training.

of course, i was completely caught offguard. in the past after a performance, i've had people i don't know come up to me and say very nice things about my voice that i'm not sure i deserve. that's always been wonderful and i'm thankful. but for the first time my vocal coach was telling me he was really impressed with my voice and that just training wasn't doing me justice. they threw around a bunch of ideas to see how i would react and i admitted honestly, that i don't know the first thing about how to pursue all of their plans.

his wife was a little more exciteable and all over the map. she started talking about all the different markets i'd be open to and the need to contact a potographer to get a sample of shots for me to send out. it was overwhelming. on the other hand, thankfully, my coach was really supportive and kept it all low key, saying that they'd help to make this a summer project and by late august, i should have recorded enough material for a demo.

the prospect of a demo has crossed my mind a few times but i've never been sure about the amount of original material on there versus covered music. my coach assured me that a good spread of covers and a few original songs will be an appropriate sample of what i can do with my voice and a little bit of what i have to offer in a creative sense.

i'm not even going to go near a photographer or think about markets until i've worked through enough material for the recording process. if what i wind up with sells to a market, awesome. if not, that's fine. but i'm definitely not going to record with a target market in mind. that seems perverse.

so there we have it! i'm officially working on a demo!
throw a pie!

LOOK OUT, SUCKERS! [23 Jun 2006|12:34pm]
probably the worst part about starting up an LJ or blog or journal of any kind is the first sentence. without one, i'm whipping my rants at you like violent pies without any eloquence, though i don't know how much style matters on LJ. with one, however, i run the risk of sounding like a moron. and that's what really gets me about journals in the first place. what used to be an outlet has become a form of communication, so now, like it or not, if you've got an LJ that someone besides you reads, you're writing for an audience. no amount of friends filters can control that you're writing knowing that someone is going to read this, so to some extent, it better be good.

well, with that out of the way and probably having accomplished both getting around an opening and sounding like a douche all at once, i can commence pie whippage.

throw a pie!

BACK FROM MICHIGAN [23 Jun 2006|01:09am]

click here to navigate to the image page!
this, friends, is was a test post. but now i've got pictures up from michigan! and i've figured out (sort of) how to use LJ.
throw a pie!

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